Do You Really Know Your Definition of Happiness? | Dr. Shefali Tsabary

Do You Really Know Your Definition of Happiness? | Dr. Shefali Tsabary

What you think is a good thing,
and what you preserve as good, and what you hold onto and never want to
shatter may actually be the thing that needs to break you apart to an entirely
new way of living, to a new dimension, to a new exposure. But because we’ve been conditioned…and you
know the tragic thing is we’ve been conditioned in such a myopically rigid,
stratified way…at least if you were conditioned that many things were good,
like almost everything on earth was good, no problem, every life experience was
good, no problem. But you know that only five or six things
are good, things that stay and last a long time, things that make us feel good,
make us look good, and give us money, to be concise. Anything out of that is bad. So you and I, without realizing,
live on the precipice of fear of anything bad happening outside those four things. That’s why we Botox ourselves,
and now we lift our butts and our boobs up, and we take away all signs of
aging, and we never want to be poor. Your child comes home and says, “Mommy,
you always told me you wanted me to be happy. I found what makes me happy.” And we’re like, “Yeah. What?” We’re thinking corporate corner job,
baubles, trinkets, jewelry, maybe she’s going to marry a doctor. “What, my love? What would make you happy?” “I’ve decided I’m going to give up all my
possessions and go and volunteer in a war-torn country in Somalia…
a part of Somalia. I’m going to go and volunteer
and live on alms.” “No, my child. That’s not what I meant when I said,
‘Go find your happiness.’ Were you not listening to the other parts of the
sentence or the other part of the lecture? There was a whole other section,
that you can’t be happy without being wealthy,
and you really can’t be happy without being married,
and you can’t be happy without having children. I mean, this is what gives us all joy. Don’t you see the whole world is doing it? If the whole world is doing it,
surely it means that it’s giving us joy and happiness.” “But, Mommy, you don’t look happy.” “Of course, I don’t look happy because
right now your happiness is my happiness. So it’s only when you’re happy
I can look happy. So if I don’t look happy,
it’s your damn fault. But don’t feel guilty. Nothing to feel guilty about. It’s okay. When you’re happy, I’ll be happy. Just be happy. But don’t be poor. And when you’re happy, and well-settled,
and you find your partner, and you have your children…” And the kid
is going, “I was so happy just playing with my blocks, but now she’s told me when
I’ll be happy, so obviously I wasn’t happy. So it’s something else I have to look for. It’s something so ephemeral,
I don’t even know what it is, because I really thought I was happy. But, okay, because she’s my mother,
and this is my father, I’m going to listen. So it’s in the future. Damn, where is it? Oh, she’s saying…she’s telling me. She’s so loving. She’s telling me where it is. I have to be well-settled, which, to me,
I think it means some big-ass house with some cars in the garage. And then I have to find a partner
and have children. And if my body doesn’t allow me to have
children, okay, that’s not a good thing. I’m not going to be happy. And the person I have to marry has to be
very well-qualified, so probably I have to meet him at a very
well-qualified institution. So I have to study very hard,
which brings us to today, I can’t play with blocks anymore,
because I have to go work very hard for my future so I can be very happy. I was really happy just playing
with my blocks.” “No, don’t play with your blocks.” So this woman was a simple woman in a
village, and one day she noticed a hole in her coat, but it didn’t
make her so unhappy. But then when she went outside and she met
her neighbor, the neighbor said, “Your coat has a hole.” And so the neighbor’s judgment made her
feel like, “Oh, okay, something bad, something wrong with me. Let me go and look for the source.” Sure enough, there was a mouse. So she sewed up the hole,
and she was like, “Okay, I have to kill this mouse. Let me go find a cat.” So she found a cat,
and the cat was a good cat. There are good and bad cats, too,
by the way. And this was a good cat. The cat did what it was supposed to do,
and killed the mouse. But then the cat was not, you know,
sturdy and resilient. It needed food. So she needed to give it milk. So then she went to buy a good cow to give
some milk for the good cat. And then the cow…damn, that cow. It would walk away and, like,
do things that animals do. So she was upset with the cow. Bad cow. She had to do something about the cow. So then she bought a fence,
and she corralled it in a nice contained container. But that cow was so bad,
always found a way to leave. So now she had to buy a cowhand. Purchase, get one from the market,
a little boy. So she bought a little boy to come and
help, you know. But then this little boy has an appetite. What was she thinking? She just thought that it would work for
her in servitude and slavery, but it had an appetite. So now she had to go and find a job. She had to buy new clothes. And one day she began thinking,
“Maybe I was happier with the hole in my coat.” So this progress that we are creating in
the search for ubiquity of happiness, for the utopia of this place that we will
arrive at, this tropical place called happiness, is
the biggest lie of it all. And you can keep searching in the
Corporate Corner office, in husband 5, 6, in the Bentley. Keep looking, keep looking. Six pack. Keep trying. And those of the 1% will keep laughing,
looking at us in this dimension, going, “Look at them. We’ve got them all fooled,
simply because we keep touching the button of fear. We keep telling them, ‘This is really bad,
this is really bad, this is really bad,’ and they keep believing. And then they go looking for [inaudible]
to make it good, good. And we’re so clever. We’ve only made four things good. Everything else is bad. And all the women who have dark hair and
brown skin, we’ve just marauded them from inside. And all the men who are not strong and
alpha, we’ve just killed them. And everyone who lives below the poverty
line, like 80% of the world, we’ve just cut them off as inferior
people, animal-like. So the truth of our existence is that
there is nothing truly on the outside that can ever, ever fill us up. But then, how will capitalism
be capitalistic? Because with that truth,
there is no therapist, there is no shrink, there is no pharmacology. There’s really nothing much. It’s the mouse, and possibly some holes.

Daniel Yohans

22 thoughts on “Do You Really Know Your Definition of Happiness? | Dr. Shefali Tsabary

  1. Mindvalley says:

    What are your parenting tips and hacks when it comes to teaching your children how to be happy? Comment below, we’d love to hear your ideas! Perfect your parenting style for free next 👉

  2. Vedant Sinha says:

    Second… Because mindvalley was first….🤪

  3. Chillout Meditation Music says:

    The key to success and happiness is doing something you love. Then inspiration will come naturally because you will be going with the natural flow of life. For example, although it has been hard work launching my new ambient meditation music YouTube channel, I love what I do, so I have been motivated.

  4. mohamed ahmed says:

    I hate when pipo bag somalia When they talk about Security😡😡 I'm so proud to be somali🇸🇴🇸🇴

  5. Andrea Martin says:

    Is this another replacement of "the meek will inherit the earth"? Be happy with nothing! Let the few be "unhappy" and rich, lol

    Well, I grew up with nothing (literally holes in my coat) and I am now part of the "have-ess," and I can tell you with honesty, I am much happier now.

  6. Natascha Troehler ANP-C says:

    So true. The neverending quest for perfection, for the next thing…. Yes, grow, but stop chasing the elusive idea outside of you to make you happy or to impress with stuff. Start inside.

  7. L P says:

    She’s so gorgeous!! 🌷

  8. Manjari Shukla says:

    Thank you 🌼
    Please visit my channel on YouTube for motivational content. Please like share subscribe

  9. Akıllı Seçim says:

    Woahh VAY

  10. Programming Hacking says:

    Fick off hh 🙂

  11. practical Desk says:

    Conveying English…nyc

  12. Lora Mitreva says:

    Such an insightful speech! It seems that in an attempt to get happy, happier, happiest, we create an endless chain of new problems to solve and things to achieve. Instead of appreciating what we have and where we are right now and the fact that we are alive, we are all the time looking forward to something better and brighter. All this goes on and on until the day when our time on this Earth is over and we need to accept that nothing more can be done. This speech is also about all the artificial needs that different companies create with the only purpose to make money and how our human "weaknesses" are been used against us.

    Recently, I talked with my 17 years old son about the things that I feel sorry for not achieving until now and he told me something very interesting: "The importance of success is so overrated. I would be happy just being a school teacher in music."

  13. InnerLight Media says:

    Unless we realize what happiness truly is or truly means to us then we pass down those same conditions of happiness to our children. This was such a great talk by Dr. Shefali. 🙌🙌

  14. Dragon Slayer says:


  15. Light Ways says:

    Happiness is an inside job. Once you come into full awareness of your own divine eternal identity and that you are whole and complete, you stop looking for things in your outer world to "make" you happy. In addition, your outer world is nothing more than a physical mirror of your inner believe system and self identity. So when you are happy, you will be in vibrational alignment with physical experiences and events that confirm your happiness. As within, so with out. You are the answer my friends. Namaste🙏

  16. Nico Moreno says:

    Thanks so much for the awesome video 🔥 This will definitely help me improve my Mindset, Business, and Life!! Keep it up! 💯💯🙌

  17. WWE collections says:

    Realy open my mind

  18. LaKia Colquitt says:

    Love this! Thank you💕

  19. Vida Akbari says:

    Loved it so meaningful. ♥️

  20. Salma Hussain says:


  21. Dalila Lian says:

    Well dressed beautiful famous and rich u have everything and u say this isn't happiness 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *