How Insecurities Affect Our Marriage

How Insecurities Affect Our Marriage


– Les, thanks for being here. – Always good to be with you, girl. – Always fun. – Super fun. – We’re usually on the road. – I was going to say, we’ve
been out changing the world, trying to help people
in their married life with their money, right? – I know, it’s been good, it’s been good. Okay, question for you. This episode is all about insecurities, and how our insecurities
can sometimes cause– – I’m probably not qualified
to talk about this. (laughing) I feel very insecure
about this question so. (laughing) – Speak out of your own experience. – Yes I can actually, we all have insecurities, right? – Yes, I know, totally. – Nobody’s immune, I mean, that’s just a part of life. But yeah, how does that impact– – Marriage? Because you’re the marriage expert, so like when you’re counseling couples or teaching or studying on the subject, how do you see that affect marriage? – Well you’ve heard me
say this so many times, but it’s worth repeating in my mind, because your marriage,
really any relationship, but your marriage can only
be as healthy as you are. – Yeah. – If you want to eradicate insecurity, you’ve got to get a lock on, what I call, your profound significance. And it’s, you know, if we don’t get a lock on that, we are continually trying
to find our significance in places that won’t ever give it to us. So, insecurities, that’s why I love this show that you’re doing, it’s so vital to so many
things in our lives, but certainly when it comes to marriage, you just can’t have a healthy relationship until you get a handle on that. And like I said, for me, it
comes down to understanding that God loves you like nobody
else could ever love you. – Yes. Which is so crucial because I’m like, you have two imperfect people, coming into a relationship, right? And so, having that foundation, that healthiness is so huge. So I’m just curious, off
the top of your head, what are the top insecurities you see with women and also then with men? Like, are they different, but, like, as a psychologist, a doctor if you will. – As you called me once, a real doctor. – I know, one time I was like, Les, it’s not like you’re
a doctor or something. And then I was like, oh no, you are. (laughing) You’re Dr. Les Parrott. (laughing) – Just went to graduate
school for eight years. That’s all. – No big deal. – But, for women this is no surprise, but it’s body image, right? The biggest insecurities, and there’s been dramatic studies on that, even with supermodels. It just seems like a thing. And guys often feel, they can suffer from
body image stuff, too, but not to the same degree, but it’s usually, what’s my worth? What am I providing? You know, those are the big insecurities. The big gender difference. – Yes, totally. So we talk a lot about
comparison on this show, and comparison fuels insecurity because you have this measuring stick that you feel like you’re not measuring up to what you’re seeing on social media. But do you see comparisons
affecting marriages? – Oh, all the time. And the more insecure you are, the more comparisons there are. And you think about it, think about the healthiest people you know that don’t suffer from
too much insecurity, they’re not looking around and, “Oh man, I wish we were more like this
or more like those people, or we had that, or we got
that vacation, or whatever.” And that’s why I love this book, it happens to be here on your own set. – Oh, what’s that Les? – No, we didn’t plan this, but you know, this is so true, “Love
Your Life, Not Theirs,” that’s all about, if you think about it, it’s about stepping outside
of that insecure lifestyle so that you can be comfortable and content in who you are in a relationship. That’s, the happiest people on this planet are content because they don’t think, “Man I wish I could be more like them, or have more of that, or have that house, or have that boat, or whatever,” and so the comparison thing, you’re just asking for trouble, you’re playing with fire
when it comes to comparisons. – Totally, and a lot of comparison
happens on social media, so what would you say to one couple that maybe they’re fighting
about social media, and one couple spends, or one spouse spends so
much time on social media, and the other doesn’t. – So I just read this study
that shows that couples that are the happiest, have incredibly thick
boundaries around social media. – Interesting. – Yes. And so– – Winston Cruze will be very happy we’re talking about this right now. – And it’s not just
putting boundaries around, oh we need rules, and I don’t mean kind of
boundaries like that, it’s you find your groove with it in a way that honors your spouse, so they don’t feel like I’m playing second fiddle
in this relationship, because she or he’s really married to that phone and all that social media. – So you talk a lot about fighting well, like having a good
fight, and so I love that because some couples believe, oh well we never fight so
we have a great marriage, where that’s kind of the opposite, that means you’re probably
not really digging in, so talk about conflict, I just want to know, conflict in general, your thoughts on it. – Yes, so conflict is so important because, as you’ve heard
me say it so many times, it’s the price we pay
for a better connection, it’s the admission to a good relationship. – So good. Conflict is the price
you pay for intimacy. – Exactly. – It’s like what I’ve heard you say I’m like, oh, it’s so good,
that’s such a good quote. – It’s true because the goal
is not to avoid conflict, if you do that, you’re going to
walk around on eggshells, and nobody’s going to be
genuine with each other. The goal is to be able to express whatever it is that you’re
not in agreement with, or what have you, and still honor your spouse, and be understood and understanding. And those kinds of fights are good. – Yeah, so good, oh that’s so interesting. So we’ll end by this, I’m just curious, as we were doing these
questions for you, I was like, oh I just want to know, so it’s more out of my curiosity, what are the top three things that create a healthy marriage? – Well, one is awareness. I think there’s this idea that you can just kind of float through life and you’re just in love
and that’s all you need. No no no, you’ve got to be aware of
the emotional landscape around you, which involves
you and this other person, and that awareness, and by the way, you know we have an assessment, it’s called Better Love, that is all about creating
awareness for couples. – So good, Winston and I took it, it’s awesome. – Betterlove.com, you go online, you answer a few questions,
generates this little 10-page report that is really a customized road map for your relationship. And so anyway, I think awareness has got to be near the
top of the list for me. A second is empathy. Seeing the world from
somebody else’s perspective, and vice versa, and when you have two people
that are both working on that, life doesn’t get much sweeter. – Yeah, it’s good. – So, awareness and empathy, and then old faithful, communication. How in the world do you
have a good relationship without having great conversations? – So good. – [Les] That’s the challenge. – Les, thanks for coming on. – Good to be with you. – Always a pleasure. – As always. – So fun. Okay, we’ve been talking about our event, Money & Marriage you guys, it’s a blast. – I know. And I’m excited because Valentine’s, we’re going to do this again, right here in Nashville, Money & Marriage, talk about an ideal
Valentine date for couples, it’s going to be a blast. – I know you guys, so we’ll put a link in the show notes, click on it, because it’s
like Valentine’s weekend, and there’s going to be a
whole weekend experience here in Nashville, a whole thing, so make sure to check it out. He talks marriage. I talk money. It’s a fun event. It’s great, it’s great. Les, thanks again. – All right, thank you. (closing music)

Daniel Yohans

5 thoughts on “How Insecurities Affect Our Marriage

  1. Black Vito - Moneyology says:

    Insecurities are your subconscious's way of telling you to deal with something that hasn't been dealt with 💪

  2. M.Wise says:

    Thanks Rachel, your channel is just always so worth watching – it has inspired me and my husband on so many levels in our lives – and applying your advice gave us such great results!! We just bought our first home CASH at 26 !! 😊 debtfreecommunity !!! Thank youu

  3. timmy cramer says:

    HELP…!! Where in the world can I find a Virtuous Woman who actually comes to the table with common sense, low or no debt, she doesn't own a expensive horse, and truly wants to make her man a meal occasionally??!! America is loaded with women who want the 6 foot tall man, making a 6 figure income, and he waits hand and foot on Her!! lol Oh well…I'll keep golfing and enjoying life! Timmy C. the forever bachelor.

  4. JonesyDude123 says:

    Is anyone else wondering if he is ewan mcgregor’s long lost brother?

  5. Andrie Wira says:

    This cannel deserve more view..

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