Weekend Update on GOP Healthcare Bill – SNL

Weekend Update on GOP Healthcare Bill – SNL


>>THERE WAS NO VOTE ON THE
HEALTH CARE BILL WHICH MEANS THAT THE OBAMACARE REPEAL IS
OFFICIALLY DEAD. BUT IS IT?
I MEAN IT’S BEEN DEAD LIKE THREE TIMES ALREADY AND IT KEEPS
COMING BACK LIKE A JASON MOVIE. AT THIS RATE WE’RE ONLY A FEW
YEARS AWAY FROM “FREDDY VS. HEALTHCARE.”
AND THAT SCARES THE HELL OUT OF ME BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW WHO DIES
FIRST IN THOSE MOVIES.>>NOT ME.
>>>HUGH HEFNER PASSED AWAY THIS WEEK AT THE AGE OF 91.
HE WILL BE BURIED IN A FOLDER MARKED “WORK STUFF”.
>>OCTOBER IS BLINDNESS AWARENESS MONTH.
SO DON’T FORGET TO SAY YOU ARE WEARING A RIBBON.
>>THEY ARE NOT GOING TO SEE THIS.
SAUDI ARABIA ANNOUNCED ON TUESDAY THAT IT IT WOULD BEGIN
ALLOWING WOMEN TO DRIVE. WOW, THAT’S ONLY A FEW SHORT
YEARS AFTER CARS WERE ALLOWED TO DRIVE THEMSELVES.
>>MAINTENANCE WORKERS IN BALTIMORE SAY THEY HAVE CLEARED
A 140 TON FATBERG FROM THE SEWER SYSTEM WHICH IS MADE UP OF
CONGEALED FAT AND WASTE THAT WILL NOT BREAK DOWN.
GOOD NEWS BALTIMORE, THE McRIB IS BACK.
>>AND HOST TEST IS UNVEILING NEW FLAVORS OF THEIR SNACK CAKES
INCLUDING WHITE FUDGE DING DONGS.
FIGHT FUDGE DING DONGS IS WHAT THEY CALL WEEKEND UPDATE IN
CHINA.>>I DON’T KNOW WHO THAT’S MORE
RACIST TO.>>A NEW REPORT SHOWS THAT 2016
HAD THE HIGHEST NUMBER OF SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES
EVER REPORTED. BEATING THE RECORD PREVIOUSLY
HELD BY KID ROCK.>>PAUL IS HERE, THE WEATHER IN
NEW YORK HAS BEEN UNSEASONABLY WARM.
HERE TO GIVE US LATE SUMMER DATING ADVICE IS A GUY WHO JUST
BOUGHT A BOAT.>>HEY.
HEY COJO, LL COOL JOST, CJ 1. RELAX, BRO, JUST A NICKNAME A
LITTLE RIB, FOR THEIR PLEASURE. VERY TIGHT TO BE BACK.
VERY TIGHT.>>ALL RIGHT, MAN, YEAH, WELL,
DO YOU HAVE ANY WARM WEATHER DATING ADVICE FOR EVERYONE?
>>ROCK A QUALITY FRAYING. I’M TALKING COLOGNE, JOST.
YOU GOT YOUR AMR KROMS, T HILL FRIGS, ACTION BOAST SPRAY.
ANYTHING THAT WILL TURN HER NOS INTO A YES.
I HAVE A SMALL PENIS. LET’S TALK REALISTIC FOR YOUR
REAL DATE. IT’S ALL ABOUT LOCATION,
LOCATION, LOCATION. YOUR BEST BET, A RUE TABA.
>>WHAT?>>>>A RUE TOEBA.
IT IS LIKE A REGULAR BAR BUT BETTER, I’M ROTTEN LAY.
O 2 IS OUR GO TO, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO DRIVE IT HOME SPRINGED
FOR BATTLE SERVES. MY DONG SUCKS.
>>WAIT WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU SAID.
>>I SAID SPRING FOR BOTTLE SERVES AND MY DONG SUCTION.
TRY TO KEEP UP. ITTATION A VILLAGE.
WHEN IT COMES TO GRADE A NOBODY POPS THE CORK BETTER THAN MY
COUSIN, THE GUY WHO JUST JOINED SOHO HOUSE.
>>AYE AYE, CAPTAIN BLACKOUT REPORTING FOR BOOTY.
JUST KIDDING, COLONEL, TRY NOT TO GET LOST AT SEA, JOST.
>>AS A MEMBER OF THE SOHO, HO, THAT’S SOHO HOUSE.
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE A MEMBER TO GET IN.
NOTHING GETS YOUR MEMBER IN LIKE A SLOOZY CLUE.
>>SCLUZY CLUE.>>THAT’S EXCLUSIVE CLUB.
I HAVE A SHAMEFUL SHNOZ. WHEN THE WEATHER IS
UNSEASONABLE, SHE WON’T BE UNREASONABLE.
RISING TEMPERATURES MAKE THE LADIES WANT TO SOAK UP YOUR
VITAMIN D, MINE IS HORRIBLE. WITH THE COMMA LADDIE AND LONGI,
COMMA AGAIN. BEFORE YOU KNOW IT SHE WILL BE
UNDER YOUR DUVET SAYING THOSE MAGIC WORDS “IS IT IN YET?
“AND IT USUALLY IS.>>THIS IS DATING ADVICE FOR
EVERYONE?>>SI, SEENIOR COMPADRE, LITTLE
ESPANOL FOR YOU.>>GREAT.
>>WE PICKED IT UP DURING OUR SEMESTER AT BARCELONA.
I’M TERRIBLE AT SEX.>>BY THE WAY, LOW AND HE IS
PANNIA FOR A STRAIGHT SENIOR YEAR.
>>WE WERE INVOLVEDISH IN A VEHICLE MS, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I
MEAN.>>I THINK EVERYONE KNOWS IN A.
>>THOSE EURO CHICKS GO LOCO FOR A CHORE EASO AMERICANO.
I CAN GO THREE PUFFERS TOPS. I NEVER FORGET WHAT THAT ONE
CHICK TOLD ME ABOARD MY VESSEL.

Daniel Yohans

40 thoughts on “Weekend Update on GOP Healthcare Bill – SNL

  1. Richard Servello says:

    I hate the pointless character sketches in Weenend Update. Stick to the actual sketch.

  2. CJ_The_Prodigist says:

    You know I had an idea for a sketch:

    Something I’ve seen is that if someone said they initially supported Trump, they’ve always been treated like crap. So what if they get their own dating site…?

  3. Natalia Andrea says:

    i don't know how they can do this and not bust out laughing.. like you can see them holding in their laughter

  4. Eugenia Geneva says:

    Is that Eric Trump or DONALD jr. (Guy who bought a boat)….

  5. fruitoson says:

    WHITE FUDGE DING DONGS

  6. moontraveler12 says:

    THE MCRIB IS BACK BABY!!!!!!

  7. Over the edge says:

    This is SNL? Wow, the best you people can do? Pathetic, just pathetic. SNL used to be hilarious!

  8. Too Sweet says:

    Not funny dude,the white man got you acting like a minstrel joker!

  9. davesefoster says:

    0:26 was that the camera man laughing?

  10. Milan De Smet says:

    us estimated visible cnyuvfk take maintenance performance indicator trunk.

  11. LA B says:

    Liberal SJW's… hahahaha

  12. Job says:

    the best part of the show honestly not mad missing it after watching the Weekend Update clips

  13. Angel Fire says:

    "Theyre not gonna see this" lmao.
    We can hear jackass. πŸ˜›

  14. Debora Barajas says:

    wash Does anyone recognize larger than this variant ? lawgh…

  15. Tom C says:

    1:05 Go B'more lol!

  16. Xtoriez Novel says:

    Thank goodness for the Electoral College! Can you imagine what would have happened if the big states got to choose our president? New York has absolutely no moral compass, and California has suffered a drought for years because they can't find any water… and they live on the ocean! Thank you God for our great system! Thank you for our great country!!

  17. ME 702 says:

    The Vegas Ringtone Always keep a piece of Vegas with you The Veg by Michael Elliotthttps://itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-veg/id1232076016?app=itunes https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-veg/id1232076016?app=itunes

  18. Turnmeover Imdone says:

    Now Washington has to remove its 200 lb fatberg from the White-house.

  19. Jack Edwards says:

    Has anyone else noticed how much Alex Moffat resembles the lead singer from Men Without Hats? Whenever I see him, I just think, "we can dance…we can dance".

  20. Katherine says:

    They keep panning away from Michael Che before all of the laughter after his punchline has finished

  21. Brace110 says:

    Now talking about watering holes, nothing get's those holes wetter than O2. – godamn

  22. Brandon B-Productions says:

    Since when did the black guy die first in any of the Freddy or Jason Movies? That's right never!

  23. Average Joe says:

    Is this queen Michael Che calling President Trump gay. Really? Has this snowflake ever seen himself on SNL?

  24. Candy says:

    CHE IS A RACIST

  25. mason jp says:

    this show has not been funny in years……..and for you younger generation sorry i feel for you

  26. Ryan Coldiron says:

    The gop replacement bill is basically just extending the Obama care crap, and you fucking liberals STILL have a problem with it. I'm not shocked tho, youre idiots

  27. Candy says:

    BOYCOTT SNL

  28. ella rose says:

    Im from Baltimore πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚lmao

  29. Sapphic Heart says:

    Colin's delivery was on point this episode

  30. Manel Martin says:

    Blow knock phenomenon drink help massive classic expression coach circuit give treat.

  31. RamΓ³n Rivera Fireside says:

    me: snl keeps open transphobes on their show, repetitively casts white people to play latinxes, refuses to hire lantix writers/actors, has had the maximum of one (1) black woman on their cast at a time, casts leslie jones continually is "angry black lady" roles, and makes way too many homophobic and transphobic jokes. i dislike snl, and i won't watch after sasheer zamata leaves.
    snl: here's colin jost!
    me:
    ───▄▄▄▄▄▄─────▄▄▄▄▄▄
    β”€β–„β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–„β”€β–„β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–„
    β–β–ˆβ–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–ˆβ–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–ˆβ–Œ
    β–ˆβ–“β–“β–’β–’β–‘β•”β•—β•”β•β•¦β•β•¦β•β•¦β•β•—β–‘β–’β–’β–“β–“β–ˆ
    β–ˆβ–“β–“β–’β–’β–‘β•‘β• β•£β•¬β• β•—β•‘β•”β•£β•©β•£β–‘β–’β–’β–“β–“β–ˆ
    β–β–ˆβ–“β–“β–’β–’β•šβ•β•©β•β•β•šβ•β•β•šβ•β•β–’β–’β–“β–“β–ˆβ–Œ
    β”€β–€β–ˆβ–“β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–“β–“β–ˆβ–€
    β”€β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ–“β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–“β–“β–ˆβ–€
    β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ–“β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–’β–’β–“β–“β–ˆβ–€
    β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ–“β–“β–’β–“β–“β–ˆβ–€
    β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ–“β–ˆβ–€
    ──────────▀

  32. RamΓ³n Rivera Fireside says:

    ryan gosling: i'm terrible at sex
    me: 𝕃π•ͺπ•šπ•Ÿπ•˜ π•šπ•€ 𝕒 π•€π•šπ•Ÿ, ℝπ•ͺπ•’π•Ÿ.

  33. ur local cryptid says:

    Does the guy who just bought a boat remind anyone of Amir from College Humor?

  34. Joshua Lopez says:

    Boat guy is hilarious, reminds me of all the pretentious frat members I met in college lol.

  35. LycanLink says:

    Between "meetcute with your cute meat" and "lati and longi," I got lost. I kept up with the rest though. I love these bits. πŸ™‚

  36. directfunebru says:

    yeah definitely one of the best

  37. jess alana says:

    Ryan gosling 🀀🀀🀀🍿

  38. slumbers says:

    shameful schwanz

  39. juustgowithit says:

    "Only a few short years after cars were allowed to drive themselves" lmao

  40. Ej Eason says:

    This is a stellar nod to Kevin Nealon's subliminal news.

  41. Thomas Fitzgerald says:

    This reminds me of jake and amir

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