Yo’ Mama Has Health Problems – Key & Peele


THANK YOU
FOR COMING IN WITH YOUR ASSOCIATES. I KNOW THIS IS HARD TO HEAR,
BUT… WE NEED TO MAKE
SOME SERIOUS DECISIONS ABOUT YOUR MOTHER’S HEALTH.
LET’S BE HONEST. SHE IS GETTING ON
IN YEARS. – OH, SNAP. OKAY, I SEE HOW IT IS.
I SEE HOW IT I– WELL, YO MAMA SO OLD,
HER LAST NAME IS “OSAURUS.” [laughter] – BOOM! – N-NO, MR. LOUIS,
IT WASN’T AN INSULT. I–I WAS JUST SAYING
THAT YOUR MOTHER’S CONDITION IS DETERIORATING, UH,
BECAUSE SHE’S GETTING OLDER. – OH, SEE THAT’S COLD, THOUGH.
THAT’S A COLD ONE, OKAY. OKAY, I SEE HOW IT IS.
HEY, Y’ALL. YO MAMA SO OLD,
IN HER HISTORY CLASS, THEY JUST WROTE DOWN
WHAT THEY WAS DOING. [laughter] HE’S TALKING ABOUT–
HE’S TALKING ABOUT– CH-CH-CH-CH-CH–
CH-CH-CH-CH-CH-CH-CH-CH-CH-CH– [laughs] – MR. LOUIS,
THIS ISN’T AN INSULT CONTEST. NOT ONLY
IS YOUR MOTHER ELDERLY, BUT ALSO HER ABILITY
TO WALK IS CURRENTLY BEING AFFECTED
BY HER WEIGHT. – OH.
– OOH. – SEE, OKAY.
IT JUST GOT REAL. – NO, I’M NOT INSULTING HER.
I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU THE– – YO MAMA IS SO FAT, WHEN
SHE GO TO THE MOVIE THEATER, BITCH SITTING
NEXT TO EVERYONE. – EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.
– LISTEN TO ME, OKAY? YOUR MOTHER NEEDS
TO MANAGE HER WEIGHT, OR THERE CAN BE
SOME REAL PROBLEMS. – OH…KAY!
ALL RIGHT. OH, YEAH. YO MAMA IS SO FAT, SHE NEED
A LATITUDE AND LONGITUDE NUMBER TO FIND
HER OWN ASS[bleep]. – OH!
[laughter] – LOOK AT HIS FACE! YEAH!
LOOK AT HIS FACE! – AH! AH!
– GIVE IT TO HIM. – OH.
– GIVE ME SOME. – IT’S COORDINATES, SON.
COORDINATES. NOW WHO’S THE DOCTOR? – I AM THE DOCTOR.
MR. LOUIS, I AM. AND IT IS MY JOB TO MAKE SURE
THAT YOUR MOTHER IS GETTING THE CARE
THAT SHE NEEDS. WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE WOMAN
WHO TOOK CARE OF YOU YOUR WHOLE LIFE. THE LEAST YOU CAN DO
IS TAKE CARE OF HER IN HER OLD AGE
AND TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY! – I’M SORRY. – I’M SORRY
THAT I LOST MY TEMPER. – NO, REALLY, DOCTOR. I GUESS…
I WAS JUST JOKING AROUND BECAUSE I KNOW HER CONDITION
IS REALLY SERIOUS. AND…I DON’T KNOW,
I GUESS HUMOR IS THE ONLY WAY
I CAN REALLY DEAL WITH IT, UH– [sighs] I JUST KNOW
THAT SHE’S SAID SO MANY TIMES SHE DOESN’T WANT
ANYTHING INVASIVE DONE. – REALLY?
I WAS NOT AWARE OF THAT. UM, THAT’S INTERESTING,
BECAUSE SHE DID NOT MENTION THAT TO ME IN OUR
PREVIOUS CONVERSATION… ‘COURSE IT WAS DIFFICULT
TO HEAR HER WITH MY [bleep]
IN HER MOUTH. SNAP, MR. LOUIS. OH, SNAP. NOW LET’S TALK
ABOUT THE PROCEDURE.

Daniel Yohans

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